honouring the heart

Snow is falling gently outside. The baby is napping soundly in the nursery. Christmas music is playing. Hot coffee is in hand. Life is good, and I have a few moments to reflect before the Christmas festivities are in full swing.

I don’t feel ready for Christmas, to be honest. I didn’t do it the way I wish I did. We were slow on the uptake of decorating. My gifts aren’t as thoughtful as I want them to be. I haven’t mailed our Christmas cards yet. We don’t even have stockings. But, we have each other. And we have a very blessed life. And we have 365 days until next Christmas Eve so at least I have time to do that one better.

For now, I just need to let it go. That’s what I’m going to spend 2019 doing. Continue reading “honouring the heart”

then suddenly, it all works

I have spent much of my life regretting decisions I’ve made. I know I have had many conversations and written multiple blog posts proclaiming, “I live life with no regrets.” But nope, that wasn’t at all true.

From regretting that mean thing I said to a classmate in grade 5, to the “what ifs” surrounding past relationships, to my schooling and career path, to finances, I lived with A LOT of regret.

I was always stuck in the loop of what would have happened if I had done things differently.

And you know what? I seriously got me stuck, literally. Continue reading “then suddenly, it all works”

mom guilt is real.

Besides spending time with the little babe, the other thing that I spend most of my waking hours doing is feeling guilty. I guess this is normal? How long does it last? Will my daily meditation and gratitude practices help me get over this?

We’ll see.

Just for fun, I thought I’d list a bunch of things off the top of my head that I have felt guilty for over the past 6 months. You’ll see why my anxiety levels are pretty high when my mind is constantly on self-attack mode.

Things I feel guilty for:

Continue reading “mom guilt is real.”

suddenly

Addiction. | alltheamusement.com

This week, a woman lost her life. She was only 25 years old, and had been struggling for years with addiction, abuse, and homelessness.

Although this is about one woman, it is the story of many in our community and beyond. Those who’ve fallen through the cracks; those who have been ravaged by abuse, torment, and mental illness; those who have tried to find ways to cope and whose control has been lost to those efforts.

Her obituary read that she she died “suddenly.” This has been stirring in my head and my heart the past few days. So here I am, compelled to write a post about when “suddenly” isn’t so sudden.  Continue reading “suddenly”

not just anything

not just anything header | alltheamusement.com

Happy New Year, my lovely people!

This is a time of reflection for many, as a fresh new calendar year begins we get to look at the 12 months of possibilities that lie ahead. Of course, my mind has been racing leading up to 2018. There are going to be so many changes, and likely lots of challenges as Chad an I embark on a new chapter. But there’s one thing that has been weighing heavy on this heart of mine: personal identity.

Who am I? How did I get here? How do I get to where I want to be? Who do I want to be?

If this is ringing true for you, read on. And if you have any suggestions, please do share! Continue reading “not just anything”