spice of life

Soul searching. How often do you do it? Every day? When insomnia haunts you? When you feel like it’s the last option?

I, for one, do not do enough of it. And I realize I need to change this.

Just this past weekend, I had a huge breakthrough on why I’ve been struggling along, unable to be happy even though my life is so wonderful. I’ve been mad at myself because of this. Why can’t I just be grateful for what I have? I’ve been blessed with a second chance at life: I have a great new job, a loving man who is just so amazing, the best family anyone could ever ask for… But there was just something┬ámissing.

Spice was missing.

Looking at my Instagram account, my old blogs, thinking back to what occupied hours of my leisure time, I realized what I have been missing so much: food! I loved cooking, baking, food-blog scouring, recipe book buying. I would show my love for someone by making them something. I would put so much care and effort into making something that was especially for them. But when life got hard, money became scarce, my inspiration faded into nothingness and my love of life (and food) was gone.

Just as I made the active choice to change the path I was on (which wasn’t so much of a “path” as a downward spiral), my soul has cried out what it needs and I have to actively follow my hearts desires. To become me, I need to start being me. To start this journey and reignite my love-affair with everything delicious, I’m going to get back in the kitchen (sorry, feminists).

I’m going to start with little steps. As much as I just want to immerse myself into everything that I used to love, I know that I will be overwhelmed. I get like that a lot these days. So, I’m going to start slow. I got caught up on my favourite food-blog, An Edible Mosaic, which I hadn’t looked at in almost a year. I found some recipes to try out for Thanksgiving dinner. I decided that I am going to try to cook at least one ethnic or culturally-diverse meal a week, and also a meal for Sean and I that hopefully he will enjoy. And I’m going to start writing about it again, because I miss that, too. You’ll be able to check out what I’m cooking up at my blog wallFlour crEATions.

So that’s that. I’m actually a fat-kid for life. I have been having a simmering rage going on inside of me because of food. I communicate through food, I comfort myself and others with it, I celebrate with it, I indulge and I take chances. And it makes me happy to know that I’m going to do that again.