It is easy to get caught up in daily life, and the challenges, struggles and turmoil that sometimes accompany it. Often times you might not feel like life is the gift that you hear everyone touting about.
Sometimes, life just doesn’t seem fair.
But then, something happens. Something that jostles you back to real-life. Something that reminds you just how precious each day, each moment, really is.
That happened this week.
I am currently going through yet another time of transition in my life. After much self-reflection over Christmas, and the normal question of “What am I doing with my life???” that my 28th birthday seemed to trigger, I decided to shake things up a bit. I gave my resignation at work in order to pursue bigger dreams. What those dreams are, I’m still unsure, but I had on over-whelming feeling that I want my contributions to the world to matter. I want every day of my life to matter.
It’s times like these when you aren’t sure if you should dance in the streets or make a nest in the closet, never to come out again. The unknown is so stressful and scary, but there is so much possibility when you decide to step off the beaten path. Absolutely anything can happen!
Then it was a week later, and the doubt started to creep in. Did I do the right thing? Was I being rash? Have I made a terrible mistake?
In an attempt to stave off these easily consuming thoughts, I’ve spent a lot of time reading. And reading books to serve as nourishment for my soul, not to have the opposite effect (here’s lookin’ at you, Anna Karenina). I read of the importance of perspective in The Noticer by Andy Andrews, and of living up to your Highest Truth in Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, and of how enlightenment in life has nothing to do with stuff in Chant and Be Happy by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda.
I also started making a photobook of the trip Sean and I took to Cuba in September. I thought it was a great idea! Winter evenings have been frigid and dark, and this would be an easy way to get my mind off of the worries and escape for a while. But slowly, I started thinking, “Oh man, I wonder when I’ll ever be able to take a trip somewhere again?”
Ugh! Marie, and your counterproductive thoughts! It was time to center myself, and I curled into bed with more words of wisdom from god and Neale Donald Walsch, about how life is lived over and over again, for as long as we decide that’s what we want to do.
Then, my phone started vibrating.
It was Sean.
Sean, who was supposed to be at hockey.
In a quick minute, I was out of bed, boots and jacket on, and I was on my way to him. I don’t think the severity of the situation really hit me until I was coming up to the intersection where Sean had been T-boned by someone running a red light. It wasn’t real until I saw all the flashing lights. This was an accident. A bad accident. An accident serious enough that, had it happened just a few seconds earlier, he could’ve been taken from this life.
In that moment, I knew a few things for sure: I want to spend the rest of my life with this man, and every choice I’ve ever made has never ever been a mistake.
This is a beautiful life, and as cliché as it is, treat every single day as a gift. Today could be your last; was it worth it? Were you happy? Would you have done anything different?
I’m going to welcome this transition time as a sort of “courting phase” between my life now and my dreams for the future. We caught eyes across the dance floor; their come-hither smile is impossible to ignore… There’s just going to be a few songs before we meet on the dance floor. Until then, I can still enjoy the music. Until then, I will continue to dance.