Snow is falling gently outside. The baby is napping soundly in the nursery. Christmas music is playing. Hot coffee is in hand. Life is good, and I have a few moments to reflect before the Christmas festivities are in full swing.
I don’t feel ready for Christmas, to be honest. I didn’t do it the way I wish I did. We were slow on the uptake of decorating. My gifts aren’t as thoughtful as I want them to be. I haven’t mailed our Christmas cards yet. We don’t even have stockings. But, we have each other. And we have a very blessed life. And we have 365 days until next Christmas Eve so at least I have time to do that one better.
For now, I just need to let it go. That’s what I’m going to spend 2019 doing.
To honour my heart, I need to be a whole lot kinder and gentler with myself. I have to take a lesson from the snow outside. Perfectly imperfect. Trusting its path. Landing right where it’s supposed to be.
Before the New Year, I’m going to do a little burn ceremony. I’m going to go through the process of writing down all the things from 2018 that no longer serve me and offering them up to the Universe by burning them to ashes. To give you an idea, it will include things like:
- Having what others think of me impact my self-image
- Spending time with people who don’t appreciate me
- Being ruled by money
- Trying to be a perfect mom, wife, person
- Comparing my journey to others’
Mama Earth and the Universe provides. I need to be firm in my belief of this and let all other things that do not align fall away from my consciousness.
The future is a scary place because we don’t know what it holds. But a year ago, my future was scary and now I am living it and it is actually amazing. I trust that the same will be said another 12 months from now, so constant worry is energy better spent elsewhere.
Although I feel thankful, this year has also been arguably one of the most difficult. I have faced adversity in almost every aspect of my life. I’ve had to navigate tough relationships, financial stresses, a birth story that wasn’t what I wanted it to be, new mother challenges, and trying to figure out who I am.
I have learned A LOT.
I’ve learned that some people are not who they appear to be. I’ve learned that sometimes relationships can crumble in the blink of an eye and there is no repairing them. I’ve learned that those that love you will offer support and forgiveness that’s beyond measure. I’ve learned how far faith can take you. I’ve learned to breastfeed.
Without the trying times, you cannot learn, grow, and fully appreciate the goodness. So this Christmas, I am looking inward, and thanking those hard times imprinted on my heart for the lessons and wisdom they gave me. And although they are a part of me, they will no longer hold power and define who I am.
I am also going to be looking around at all the wonderful things that I have in my life. I have an incredible family and was blessed with the most amazing in-laws. I have friends that I love dearly. I have a healthy and happy baby and a husband that is beyond my dreams. I have a beautiful home. I get to spend the first 11 months of my daughter’s life with her. We have food, heat, water, and love.
I’m wishing you all a safe and magical Christmas season. And I hope you take the time to reflect on your year and (metaphorically) burn the things that should no longer hold space in your life, while appreciating all the good stuff.
Be kind. Love yourself and others. Honour your heart.